Before Indulging in Cheery Fantasies

You’ll be mean

and I’ll be debilitatingly insecure

I’d lock myself in the bathroom

the way I like to do

Except you broke down the door

months ago

So I sit in the bathtub 

with the shower running

to cry

Because you’ll mock me if you hear

but because there’s no lock

you’ll come in

rip open the curtain

and shake your head in disgust

probably remembering the time

you found me there

with a kitchen knife

So leave me alone

Let me chain smoke

and drink box wine

and try to uselessly prepare myself

for you to leave me